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Taking a broader perspective…

The Tom Baldwin Letters Part 2….

The series of Tom Baldwin letters continues….this time one written by Darrell Goodliffe….

Dear Media colleagues,

I am writing to you on a matter of utmost concern to us here at Labour Central Command. As I am sure you are aware, we are not holding a Spring Conference this year as part of  our ongoing efforts to avoid having to talk to the membership of the Labour Party. Oh yes, and it saves us some money too. In its place we are having a nice meet n’ greet for Ed and the Shadow Cabinet with members of the public in Nottingham on March 25th.

Unfortunately, this leaves us in a bit of a bind as the campaigning period for local elections starts on this day. Now I know this means that your supposed to be ‘impartial’ and all that other stuff but we all know what rubbish that really is at the best of times. If you want to maintain this facade then how can you cover both Nick Clegg and David Cameron’s Spring shin-digs and not ours? 1000’s of people tried to intervene at Clegg’s do to point out what a lying little toad he is and you successfully blanked them. Just because they are prepared to at least appear in front of the membership of their parties and at least pretend they are listening too and care what they think, why should this entitle them to special treatment?

So, we are asking, gently and tactfully, that you quickly establish a ‘No Political Opponents Zone’ around this very special event of ours. All signs of Liberal Democrat and Conservative commentary on this event should be swiftly neutralised and any sound of dissent or difference of opinion should be edited out. In fact, this will in practice make it little different to your average Labour Party conference. Maybe if it goes really well then people wont notice a difference. What would happen if you don’t do this? Well let’s just put it this way….you really wouldn’t like me when I am angry….no more exclusives from the high-flying world of the opposition benches for you for starters! If that doesn’t deter you then nothing will.

Ta-Ta For Now,

Tom

Truth can be stranger than fiction….read details of the real letter Tom sent here.

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